Things I Have Learned During My (almost) 9 Months of Pregnancy

Life Changes

When Jeff and I were thinking about getting pregnant, and after we had just found out, we often got the comment, “This is the best thing that will happen to you, but your lives will change. Things will change between the two of you.”

We have found this fact to be very true. Our lives have changed. Our marriage has changed . . . A LOT; however, up to this point, only for the better.

Our love for each other has deepened. Our joy has grown immensely. Laughter more fully and frequently fills our home. We get lost in conversation—dreaming of the personalities that will soon dominate our home, the family vacations just the 3, 4, 5, 6, (possibly 7 if Daddy’s dreams come true) of us will take, the things we will learn as we strive to raise our family right in a loud and chaotic world, the things we will learn from our children, the things we will learn from each other.

Yes, having a baby on the way has changed things and will continue to do so, but how do we feel about this?

Bring on the changes! Enrich our lives with more beauty, more meaning, more love.

Morning Sickness is NOT Confined to the Morning Hours Only

I really cannot quite understand where they coined the term “morning sickness.” In my experience, morning sickness was very capable of torturing me all day.

It came in the morning. It came in the afternoon. It woke me up in the middle of the night. It came whether I had Mexican food or Ovaltine. Morning sickness was an all day visitor during my first 4 months of pregnancy.

 And so, for my future pregnancies, I have nixed the “morning” and will refer to this fun, simply and plainly, as . . . SICKNESS!

Cutting One’s Hair While Pregnant, While a Tad Cliché, is a MUST

So as you have all heard—or can atleast imagine—pregnancy makes you feel a bit “weighed down!” Your body changes and your weight increases, increases and increases some more. Well, there is a simple solution to “lightening your load” . . . CHOP OFF YOUR HAIR!

I was hesitant to cut my hair at first because I had heard so much about and had been warned against the infamous and horrific “Mom Cut.” I was terrified. I didn’t want to look like a minivan driving soccer mom. I am still hip. I am only 25 and have atleast 5 years before Luke starts playing soccer! I wasn’t quite ready for the image and stereotypes a “new do” could bring!

 However, summer continued to get hotter. I continued to get heavier. My hair continued to get longer and less manageable.

And then it hit me, why am I so afraid of the ‘Mom Cut’?

I AM A MOM—an incredibly proud one at that! I also realized, a hair do isn’t going to be what pegs me as a Mommy. No, the precious and beautiful boy I will be carrying around will give it away first!

And so there you have it, after careful consideration, I was ready to fully embrace motherhood. I was ready to join the troops and cut my hair!

 Best pregnancy decision I have made! I feel lighter, I feel sassy . . . I feel like a mom!!!


ATTENTION ALL WOMEN: The Pregnant Body is Beautiful. Embrace It!

I think one of my biggest pet peeves during pregnancy is the continuous topic of weight. I’ve been blown away by the number of women that come up to me, admire my cute growing belly, and then say things like: “You are so small. How much weight have you gained?” or, “Are you going to nurse? Because if you do, the weight sheds right off!” or, “It’s great you got a jogger for a shower present. You’ll be able to loose that pregnancy weight quickly.”

My response to these inquiries is a sweet smile, and perhaps, a slight shake of my head. However, in my mind I’m screaming: WHAT IS WRONG WITH WOMEN THESE DAYS!

I’m not sure what has happened to our society. Is it not enough that magazines filled with rail-thin models, diet tips, and “the perfect exercise regimes for a better looking you” plague women on a daily basis?  Must we really dampen the most sacred and beautiful gift we women are given by making silly comments around weight? Must we really make these beautiful mothers feel insecure about their bodies while they are fulfilling their most divine role?

Here’s the thing: Pregnancy causes weight gain. It’s a natural consequence to such an amazing event in life. A baby is growing, and therefore, so does the woman! Pregnancy is beautiful. Everything about this gift is beautiful—especially the growing you!

If there is one thing I ask, please don’t mention my weight! I’ll lose it when I lose it (or I won’t). But for now, to quote an incredibly wise poet and a true woman, Lucille Clifton:

These hips are big hips.

They need space to move around in.

They don't fit into little places. 

These hips are free hips.

They don't like to be held back.

These hips have never been enslaved,

they go where they want to go,

they do what they want to do.

These hips are mighty hips.

These hips are magic hips.

I have known them to put a spell on a man and

spin him like a top!

  

Diamonds Aren’t a Girl’s Best Friend . . .

Mothers are!

My mom, Grandma Carolyn, has made this pregnancy a dream. Being her only daughter brings upon an incredibly special role—especially during (but not limited to) pregnancy!

We have had a blast preparing for Luke. Not only have we done a TON of baby shopping, but we have also enjoyed reminiscing on her pregnancies. I have had so much fun hearing stories about when she was my age and pregnant—watching her light up as she relives her favorite life memories. I have LOVED seeing pictures of her pregnant and realizing I truly am her clone! I am grateful for all I am learning from her about the mother I want to be!

Yes, mothers are a sacred gift. I am so grateful to have the mother I have, while I become a mother myself!

Cravings???

I can’t say I am a firm believer in “pregnancy cravings.” I’ve heard about them. I have read about them. But have I experienced them?

Often times people ask me what I have been craving. I quickly and excitedly respond, “Ice cream, french fries, mozzarella sticks, Ovaltine, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate . . . FAAAAT!!!” It’s an automatic response, and yes, I have been craving these things. However, I craved these things before I was pregnant. Only difference now is that I have an excuse to indulge!  

However, since cravings are such a well-known part of pregnancy, Jeff has learned to, “get the woman what she wants!” So, while I tend to believe that pregnancy cravings are more of an excuse to “let down your hair and live a little,” I am VERY grateful for all the hype around them. I have definitely been living!!!!

Families are Eternal

If there is one thing above all that I have learned during my time being pregnant, it is the fact that families are forever.

Jeff and I are both incredibly blessed with beautiful families—strong support systems. Through the examples and love of our families, we have been learning how to become parents our whole lives. 

We are ready for the changes about to take place. Most importantly, we are ready to continue our happiness all the way through eternity!

Thanks goes out to all our family members who have embraced us in their love and helped us get where we stand today.  We truly love you all so much and are incredibly grateful for the joy you bring into our lives.

Luke is coming into a world full of love. Luke will walk throughout eternity embraced in the love of his family. What a lucky little guy! What a lucky family we all share!

Copyright © 2010 Cara Wicks-Paxman

21 Weeks of Adventure

I’ve been thinking about updating our blog for a long time (about 5 and a half months to be exact), but never got up the gusto to do so; however became inspired when my darling sister-in-law, Jessica, updated hers about her and David’s summer happenings.  Reading their blog helped me reflect back on incredible summer memories, and so, I decided to put them down on paper . . . or cyberspace.

Where do I begin? Last time we updated our blog we were just about to find out the sex of our baby. Well, for those of you that do not yet know, we are having a BOY! There aren’t adequate words to describe our pure joy around this news. I was 15 weeks pregnant last time I blogged and here I am now at 36 weeks—one month until our Prince Luke Philip Paxman arrives.

So what happened in between weeks 15 and 36? A whole heck of a lot . . .

Jeff and I decided to take this summer to relax and vacation with family. We headed down to California the first week of June—3 days after our 20-week ultrasound, which assured us that Luke was right on target developmentally. We took the first couple days to settle in and unpack. And then it started, yes, summer began!

Just two weeks into our trip home, Dave and Jessica were married for time and all eternity. It was a beautiful day and was filled with family, laughter, dancing and fun. It was also my first experience with swelling!  They were married on Friday, June 18. We celebrated with Redlands’ friends and family that night at the Paxman’s home and then traveled to Santa Barbara the next day to party with the Mann clan . . . and a clan they are! Now that’s a family that knows how to get down.

The next day we headed with my family to Mammoth Lakes for the week—a Wicks family tradition. However, it was different than any other trip I can remember. There were NO MOSQUITOS. There was also still snow on the ground! Rest assured, we found a gorgeous campsite right on Lake Mary. We had a blast—typical for the Wicks gang. We canoed, lounged and sang songs around the campfire. The boys took Jeff out for his first adventure in horseback riding. I couldn’t have been more proud of my husband at that time; he was the only one smart enough to wear a helmet! While the boys were out riding horses, my mom and I enjoyed some mother/daughter pampering time. I would expound on this; however, I am afraid we would lose credibility on being the true campers that we are! In our defense, I was 6 months pregnant and my mom is almost 6o—in town pampering was a necessity! We finished off our week with many games of bocce ball, more singing and gourmet campsite meals!

After Mammoth and all the wedding excitement, we were wiped out! We spent the next several days lounging by the pool and thoroughly enjoyed doing nothing at all.

Next up was our baby shower. Redlands had been having an extremely mild summer . . . up until the day of our OUTDOOR baby shower! It was 103 degrees that day. It was HOT, but beautiful and exciting non-the-less. We got so many wonderful things to “feather our nest” for Duker’s arrival. We got two strollers—an everyday stroller/car seat combo and an awesome Jeep jogger! Thank you, Ryan, Peter, Mark and Sage—and I thought the jogger was going to be nothing more than a BIG wish! We also got tons of adorable outfits and beautiful blankets made by Grandma Steph!

After the shower, we geared up for the Paxman’s summer vacation to Newport Beach. The beach was wonderful. It was great having everyone together. Aly even flew down from Utah for a weekend! We spent time lounging by the pool, playing cards, and sleeping in way too late! I became addicted to both Solitaire (on the iPad, of course!) and Dominos. We enjoyed wonderful meals and I learned that leftovers could be turned into completely different dishes than the night before—leave it to Karen and Steph to turn meatloaf into Spaghetti!

After the beach, we had one week left in California. We headed back to Utah the second week of August. We were sad to leave, but also extremely excited for all that awaited us in Utah! I drove down to California with Jeff, but decided I wasn’t up for the 9-hour commute back to Utah. My dad drove back with Jeff and my mom and I flew. My parents spent the week with us in Utah and helped us get completely ready for Luke.  We cannot appropriately express our gratitude for all they have done to help us prepare for our first child. Not only have they supplied us with the necessary (and fun) items, but they have also helped make every step of this journey incredible, memorable and fun.

During their time here in Utah, we did a ton. We put final organizing touches on our apartment for Luke’s arrival, went to movies and even saw the play “Big River” at the Sundance outdoor theatre. We spent one day in Salt Lake City where we visited historical church sites, saw the Joseph Smith movie, and ate at the Garden Café overlooking the majestic Salt Lake Temple. After a wonderful and spirit-filled day, we headed over to our appointment to see Luke in a 3D/4D ultrasound. Luke is seriously perfect. He is beautiful. He touches our heart in different ways each day. To quote a famous song, “I never knew love like this before.”

After my parents left, Jeff and I decided to take the week to relax and enjoy time (just the two of us) together before he started back at school the following Monday. The first couple days went exactly as planned; however, Tuesday afternoon we were thrilled to receive the news that Jeff was invited to his first dental school interview at Loma Linda University! Jeff called Loma Linda first thing Wednesday morning and was on a flight that night for his interview on Thursday. As I am sure it is no surprise to anyone that knows Jeff, his interview went great. I picked him up at the airport Friday morning. We ate a celebratory lunch at one of Jeff’s favorite restaurants, Chiplotle, and then headed back to Provo to spend the rest of the day sleeping!

So here we are, two days before school starts back up and exactly a month away from the arrival of our precious little blessing, Luke. Life couldn’t be better. We couldn’t be happier. Thanks to all those that made this summer all we’d hoped it’d be.

It's A . . .

In just a few days Jeff and I will have the great pleasure of being able to stop calling our baby “it” and start referring to this beautiful blessing as either our son or our daughter. We are so thrilled. We are often asked, “What do you prefer?” It’s an easy answer, we have no preference at all. Since we plan on having more than just this one babe, we figure we’ll be blessed with each and that Heavenly Father knows us so intimately that he has a beautiful plan for our family. And while there is no preference, I have found myself imagining the possibilities of both.

My brother, Mark, always said that he believed every little girl should have an older brother. I’ll have to admit, this philosophy has stuck with me throughout my life.

Growing up being the only girl in a family with older brothers, I found myself very blessed with not one, but three live-in bodyguards. While I do consider this an incredible gift, at times it was a tad overwhelming! Like when any and every guy I dated was deemed “a loser.” Or when Mark and I were in High school together and he’d see me talking to a guy:  He would come up to us, place his arm around my shoulder, stand tall as if to flaunt his 6’4” towering stature, and (insert sarcasm here) politely ask, “So, who is this?” It was obvious to me and I am sure to the friend I was talking with that in reality, Mark was thinking, “So, who is this schmuck and what does he want with you, my precious LITTLE sister?”

I’ll have to admit, though, I am very pleased that my brothers held such high standards for me. Infact, when Jeff and I were close to our wedding date, my brothers all found themselves in agreement when one stated, “Isn’t it amazing that Jeff is the first and only guy that Cara has dated that we all like?” I guess they always knew what they were doing and I must give them credit for their keen sense of character analysis!

So, let me tell you a little bit about each brother so you can fully understand why Mark’s idea about girls having older brothers has nestled deep in my heart:

• Ryan: Ryan, who is one of San Bernardino’s Police Department’s finest and also 6’4”, is one of the most tender men I have ever known. Out of the 6 of us, he is the best at making sure family traditions are not only followed through, but followed through with exactness, fun, laughter and love. Ryan has an incredible way of making life special. When my mom and I were out shopping for my wedding dress, we noticed we each had multiple missed calls from Ryan. Concerned, we called him back immediately to find out that he was desperately trying to reach us before I tried on dresses. He wanted to tell me to get whatever dress I fell in love with, no matter the cost!  He told me that he would work overtime to make sure I was able to buy the perfect dress. This is one of many similar stories. Yes, Ryan has a way of making life beautiful and special—Ryan IS beautiful and special.

• Peter: I’ve always thought myself to be very similar to Pete—I aspire to learn from his influence at least.  Peter is a phenomenal man. Anyone who has known him, even if just for a brief moment, can attest. He is thoughtful, inspirational and constantly seeking knowledge of any kind. He is hard working and determined. Peter is open and honest.  He has always been one to give me sound advice in an earnest desire to help me achieve my goals in life. It is safe to say that Peter leaves a mark wherever he goes.

• Mark: A friend of mine once said, “Mark is a big brother in the truest sense. I think if you were to look up ‘big brother’ in the dictionary, it would simply say: Mark Wicks.” Mark has always been my biggest protector, my number one fan, my best friend.  He is soft and sensitive, willing and eager to do any and all things for his family—no matter the cost! We have a family video of a time when I was around 1-year-old:  My parents were giving me medicine—not an easy task. I hated this process and was screaming quite intensely. Mark hovered over the scene, ready to help at a moment’s notice. My parents asked him to get me some water. He jumped at the request and ran down the hall with great speed to the sink saying the whole way, “It’s okay, Ca-wa, Ca-wa, Ca-wa. I’m coming Ca-wa, Ca-wa, Ca-wa.” And so he did, he came to my rescue—and not just on this one occasion. Mark is there for me, for anyone who crosses that line in his heart (even those he barely knows), always and fiercely. Yep, Mark is my Bawky (Marky), always and forever.

These three men have helped shape me into the woman I am and their influence, love and guidance will continue to help shape me into the woman I want to become.

My dad has mentored three incredible, loving, strong and sensitive men. Through the man my dad is and the example he has shared, my brothers have been the best brothers a little sister could have. Because I have married a man who will be as wonderful a father as my dad has been, 50% of me hopes we have a boy first—a son whom we can teach to take care of his younger siblings the way my brothers have me.

Now what about the other 50%? What about the possibility of having a girl first? Yes, this dream takes over my thoughts and imagination just as frequently as having our oldest be a boy. Since I was the only girl of 3 older brothers, I was lucky enough to not have to share my mom with any other girl. This may possibly be the biggest blessing in my life. For those of you who are daughters, you know there is nothing quite like the bond between a mother and daughter.

My mom is my best friend. She represents everything I hope to become as a mother. She is my rock. I often think of my life thus far and many of my fondest memories—best times—have been spent with my mom. We laugh together in a way that is contagious. I can imagine that anyone lucky enough to experience secondhand the happiness and fun we share when we are together is filled with pure and utter joy just by witnessing a true and real love. We talk about EVERYTHING. We can and do get lost in conversations for hours on end. We talk about life, dreams, fears, the Gospel . . . Everything. We share a connection so deep, so special, so unique—a connection only shared by a mother and daughter—that it is impossible to replicate with anyone else. I want to experience this with my daughter. And a part of me doesn’t want to wait to start this journey! A part of me wants a daughter now so this bond can begin to form and develop.

So, can you see why there is truly no preference? Or at least why both possibilities hold equal weight?

Life is beautiful—the most remarkable gift we are given. Jeff and I are beyond blessed. Everything we have ever wanted—ever dreamt about—continues to come true everyday. We are excited to hear the life-changing words on Tuesday, “You have a Son,” or “You have a daughter.” May our journey continue . . .

A Little Taste of The Paxmans

For unknown reasons to me, I had previously taken an “anti-blogging” stance. However, I am now realizing we fit many of the blogging clichés: We are happily married, and to add to our joy, we are beginning our journey down the path of parenthood.  So, I have decided, it is time to blog! I will write to all of you wonderful family and friends, expressing to you the ups and downs of this joyous adventure we call life!

So, let’s get to the “good stuff” . . . let’s get to the pregnancy! Ooh man, so much to tell. To start, I feel that it is important to begin by telling you how exactly we came to the decision of becoming parents.  Jeff and I had initially thought we were going to wait 2 years after we got married to join the parent club . . . although some may remember this a little differently. Some seem to believe we signed a contract stating that we would wait 4 years until we headed down this path. (I won’t mention any names here, Alyson Nicole.) We do not remember any such contract; but regardless of signing or not signing, plans changed.

I woke up one morning, after 8 months of holy matrimony, ready to start trying. I kept my thoughts quiet for one entire afternoon. For those of you who know me well, you know this was not an easy task. When something I am passionate about enters my mind, it takes all I have to keep it to myself.  Just ask Jeff how successful I am about keeping surprises from him . . . and I’m even worse at not trying to guess surprises from him to me!

Anyway, I tried very hard to contain myself, and despite my strong desire to bombard Jeff with the good news, I did NOT wake him up at 6 a.m. to tell him we needed to get started! Instead, I went to work, played with the kiddos, and spent the entire day thinking up a very persuasive list of reasons to share with Jeff.  

I practiced my delivery on my drive home from work and decided I would share it with Jeff when he returned home from school later that afternoon. Hah! That didn’t happen!

The closer and closer I got to the BYU campus, the stronger my urge to share grew. Sure enough, by the time I hit 800 North, I had Jeff’s number dialed and ringing. I sweetly and calmly suggested, “Hey Babe, how about I meet you on campus and we can walk around and enjoy this beautiful day together?” He thought it was a wonderful idea . . . ! Poor man, he had no idea his world was about to change completely!

Needless to say, my speech worked.  Jeff—being wonderfully responsible—decided we needed to get “our ducks in a row.” And, as I am a FIRM believer in being organized, this was music to my ears.  

In early December, we figured out our finances, joined a family insurance plan (which included maternity), found an OBGYN, and talked and talked and talked some more about our dream of becoming parents.  We traveled home for a long Christmas break and enjoyed two full weeks of family time. When we returned, we began our new adventure.  

Are you doing the math? Yes, we got pregnant on our first try!

This came as a bit of a shock to Jeff.  In my list of reasons to start trying, I explained in earnest that it is not always easy to conceive.  Using many examples of couples that had patiently and persistently endeavored for quite a while in their efforts to conceive, we came to the conclusion that the average time for trying and succeeding is around 6 months! Hehe.  Bad math? I think not.  My instincts were right on—it WAS our time!

So here we are: In love, happily married, and becoming first time parents . . . Oh and blogging, of course!